Day 1

Picture this: It’s day one and I am READY. This is it. This is the time it’s going to work. I am COMMITTED! I have my 80 oz. water bottle, I packed a salad for lunch, and I am sporting my brand new running shoes. Today is the day!! I head to the gym even though I feel SUPER uncomfortable and out of place. Trying my best to blend in, I immediately look for the locker room. Found it! Wait…what the…why is everyone naked? When I get skinny will I have to blow dry my hair with only a towel on my waist?? Hmmmm, seems risky. For now I hide myself in the back of the locker room AWAY from the naked skinny girls. Breathe. Ok. I know I can do this. It’s cool, I’ll just weave my way back out and find a treadmill. That way I can survey the scene without looking creepy or lost. Ready, set, go! Yeeeesssss! I made it out without making eye contact, AND found a treadmill in the back! I am feeling pretty good about myself as I set my pace and get moving. Then I see her. We all know her. She’s effortlessly perfect. She has an ass I can’t even believe is real, hair that stays perfectly in place, and just the right glisten of sweat. As I stare, she starts walking straight towards me. SHIT. I have nowhere to go, and she steps on the stair stepper right next to me. Panic sets in. This perfect girl is the LAST person that I want to be next to, but it’s too late now. So I take a deep breath and crank up the pace. I can’t have Ms. Perkypeach thinking I am new! Three minutes later, I’m dying and looking for a way to escape! I can’t let her see me quit after only three minutes!!!! Luckily someone comes up to chat with Ms. Perkypeach right before I need an ambulance! I quickly jump off, and take my exit searching for the least populated room. I go sit on a weight machine, and drink water for a minute. Oh snap!! I almost forgot to take my gym selfie! Everyone knows pic or it didn’t happen! So, I find the back mirror of the back room hidden around the back corner of a big machine and quickly snap that pic! Day 1 gym time is a wrap! Time to go eat some healthy food! I am a winner!

Fast forward to day 5… I’m getting stabby. I DO NOT want to drink anymore water. I am losing hours of my life going back and forth to the bathroom. As for the gym, Ms. Perkypeach can have it. Running on that miserable devil machine makes me feel worse than fat ever did! My body hurts in places I didn’t even know I had! Oh, and I tried Ms. Perkypeach’s stair stepper. Forget the rock hard ass, I’m lucky I didn’t lose a limb!! You know that feeling you get when you almost eat it getting on an escalator? The intense panic of impending death? It’s like that. Except if you fall off a stair stepper, you won’t die. That would be too easy. Instead, you will just get seriously maimed in front of a bunch of hot people. Terrible, just terrible. Not to mention at this point, I have been eating salads and chicken for a week. Every meal tastes like broken dreams, and sadness, and I am STILL not skinny!!! Is this even worth it?? Is this what being skinny feels like? Tired, sore, and always hungry? Screw this, I am eating what I want! Sigh. If only I were Ms. Perkypeach. She doesn’t struggle!! She has it all together. I am never gonna be her. What does it even matter anyway. I can’t live like this. It’s way too hard. I GIVE UP.

And the cycle repeated over, and over, and over.

So what changed this time? This time I realized that I COULDN’T live like that. I could not change my entire life in one day. Slow and steady wins the race. I began making changes that I knew I could handle. I drank water with meals instead of soda. I joined Weight Watchers to help me make balanced food choices instead of trying to do it on my own. I couldn’t afford to join a gym this time, so I started walking instead. Which was doable for me! Small changes led to bigger changes which eventually became healthy habits. Will I ever be Ms. Perkypeach? No, I stand firm on my beliefs about stair steppers. But it turns out being the best me is all I ever needed.

***I wrote this post today with every intention of holding onto it, and posting when my webpage looked perfect. I put it aside, and started trying to fix my theme and arrange my page. I got so frustrated because I have no idea how to do that stuff!! I threw in the towel, and even thought “Maybe I can’t even do this blogging thing.” I decided that at least I could edit this post. And as I reread it, I realized that maybe I wrote it to myself. This is my day 1. I will not try to do more than I am capable. I will take it one step at a time, and celebrate the journey. If you are still reading this, HI! My name is Jenn, and this is my first post. I am posting it to my ugly, unfinished blog because TODAY IS THE DAY! I AM COMMITTED! Day 1: 1/11/19 Let’s do this!***

42 thoughts on “Day 1

  1. Enjoyed this post and could actually hear you reading it to me in my head! In case you don’t know, you are someone who has inspired me along my journey and I am finally about 10 pounds from my official goal weight. Thank you❤️


  2. JENNIFER!!!!! WOW! This is great! I’m sure your tired of hearing it (NOT) but dang girl I’m so proud of you. And I knew you were funny BUT HELLER!!! You may consider a book next Honey!! I’ll buy a copy even if it’s not on Audible! 😘😘😘😘


  3. Oh mama. My heart is so full of you right now and So. Effing. Happy. Light all the candles. Shine so fucking bright……. can we swear on here?


  4. Yay!!!! I love it!!!! So glad you’re blogging. 🙂 And I love your analogy with the blogging and the beginning weight loss! Love you!!!!


  5. Love this! You’ve been such an inspiration to me. I think I found you on Connect within the first few days after I joined WW. You’ve kept me laughing and believing I could do this weight loss thing and be the best mom I can be. And IT HAPPENED! Just like you said it would! You’re one of my favorite people ❤️ I’m so lucky to have the benefit of your wisdom as you continue to light the path of maintenance and health before me. And I’m even luckier to have the privilege of knowing you IRL! 🙌 It’s awesome the way you set goals and GO FOR IT, like this blog you decided to do—what, 2 weeks ago, and you didn’t even have a computer??? You’re amazing and fun and you absolutely lit my candle! And now you’ll have to live with its freak-snark-raw-real aroma/stench forever 😂 Love you, Jenn! Congratulations on a great first post and overcoming perfectionism! 😘😘😘


  6. What a great start to your blog! Funny and relatable! So glad you jumped in and just started posting. Looks great and can’t wait to continue reading it! ♥️


  7. Not to sound like a stalker, but I’ve been following you on Connect for the past year and you have been such an inspiration to me! So glad you’re expanding to the rest of the internet 😀 I loved the post!


  8. So glad you started a blog. I follow you on Connect and laugh my ass off at your posts. I’ve lost 57 pounds with WW and I’m just a few pounds from goal. Thanks for your inspiration. Keep on writing!


  9. Get it girl! Your funny AF and I love reading your shananns. <—— Is that a word? Keep up the great work! New shit is hard and scary and totally worth it! If I wasn’t a total introvert with social anxiety I’d totally want to hang out with you! That being said, if I ever saw you in public I’d probably run the other way for fear you might actually talk to me! Your totally winning at living, keep it up! I will be bookmarking this blog so stick with it!


  10. Yay for you! So happy for your success! Keep cheering is on (because we really need it and so appreciate that you care) and we will return the favor!
    Write on!


  11. OMG- I SO can relate to the first day at the gym. Once upon a time, I actually used to do weight machines pretty regularly, until I was so grossed out by the sweating young stud guys that apparently didn’t know how to wipe down the machine after they finished with their sets, that I stopped doing weights. I didn’t ever work up the nerve to walk over with a wipe and sarcastically ask, “forget something?” Treadmills that are unfamiliar are a nightmare, and who wants to look like they don’t know what they’re doing at a starting pace of eight minute miles?
    Keep up the good work, and forget the perfectionism. It’s overrated and we want to hear what you have to say!!


  12. ZennJenn, reading about your Day 1 at the gym and blog confirms my wish to live next door to you! You are not just a candle, you are a bonfire of fun!
    You wrote about “celebrate the journey,” which is actally printed on my business card (in my coat pocket) AND oh my gosh as I write this at DD the song, “Celebrate,” just came on tbe loudspeaker!! “We need a holiday…come on let’s celebrate…it would be so nice…” I cannot effing believe this—
    It is Time to Celebrate!!!
    So, I am celebrating YOU and ME and all the other Firecrackers (yes, you, too Madonna) who light up the darkness with delight!
    Cannot wait to read more on your blog. You keep being you.
    Love always and in all ways,


  13. YES GIRL!!! I am so proud to know your smart, witty, hilarious, kind, empowered AF, CUTE ASS. Yeah, you got yourself a cute ass, girl. Congratulations!!! Looking forward to being a part of your future journey and watching you grow!!!


  14. So glad you started this and that I can read it and learn more from you. I always look for your posts on connect, and this blog is going to be even better! We can all do this WW thing! Thanks!


  15. I love this! Hilarious and REAL and inspiring ❤️. I can’t wait for the next installment! And about the naked people at the gym…
    I went to the Y on a weekday morning. Apparently that’s when all the seniors forget where their clothes are. It was quite a learning experience in gravity 🤣!

    Liked by 1 person

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