Food Pushers

I always try to plan ahead when I go to any function where there will be food. Most of the time I pick one or two “splurge items” in my head before I go. For example, if there is going to be macaroni and cheese there, it’s mine. No question. Done. Fact. Unfortunately life is hard, and real southern baked mac and cheese is a “pricey” item. Sad. So to balance that, I fill the rest of my plate with healthy choices. Also, depending on who made the mac and cheese, I might choose to not eat dessert. Every once in awhile, though, I find myself faced with people that don’t want to take “no” for an answer. You know the ones. The Food Pushers. What I want to say, “I swear to God Judy. If you make me say no to your grandmas triple chocolate peanut butter naughty squares one more time, I will cut you and bury my face in that pyrex. GO AWAY!!” But I can’t say that, so I say this instead…

Birthday Party:
“Have some cake.”
-No Thanks.
“Why not? It’s sooo good. You can eat one piece of cake!!”
-I saw <candle blower> spit all over that when he blew his candles out sooo…no. *shoot judgmental side glance*

Funeral:
“Have some pie!”
-No Thanks.
“But it’s homemade by Judy’s grandma!”
-It reminds me of <dead person>, and I know he/she would respect my choice. *shoot judgmental side glance*

BBQ/Get Togethers:
“Have some brownies.”
-No Thanks.
“But it’s <4th of July/any ‘special’ date>.”
-Yeah but tomorrow is not, and I REALLY like not having a fat ass, Judy…. *shoot judgmental side glance*

NOTE:***this one is tricky and should NEVER be attempted if you are a man being approached by a woman***


Instead, men should try this:
– Yeah but tomorrow is not, and I like being a sexy beast *puff out chest*

Church Functions:
“Have some cake/pie/fried everything/chocolate everything….”
-No thanks.
“You are so skinny, you need to eat before you wither away!”
-I feel called by the Lord to lead by healthy example, and I ALWAYS obey the Lords message. *shoot judgmental side glance*

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11 Comments

  1. Jenn

    Love your church responses…I ALWAYS OBEY THE LORD’S MESSAGE! 😂😂🤪. Seriously friend, it’s like you are inside all of our heads! Keep it up!

    Like

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